GUATEMALA CITY, GUATEMALA– Elon Musk’s DOGE and President Donald Trump’s cutting of corrupt USAID funding to nations around the world has left countless individuals in despair, including a large group of transgender squirrels in Guatemala that were depending on the continuing payments to help finish transitioning to the opposite gender.
According to Musk, USAID was funding so many unnecessary things around the world, including creating DEI policies in Egypt, a new Sesame Street show in Iraq, teaching Sri Lankan journalists how to use proper pronouns, and also gender surgeries for trans squirrels in Guatemala.
“How will I finish transitioning now that President Trump cut off my necessary funding?’ A Guatemalan trans squirrel asked, choosing to remain anonymous. “I’ve already run out of my female hormones and my furry beard is starting to grow back. I only had one breast implant done and was awaiting the USAID funding to pay for my other breast. Now I just look like I have one acorn stuck on the side of my chest. Thanks a lot, Trump.”
Approximately $800 billion was going to funding transgender squirrel surgeries in Guatemala, with about $100 of that money actually going to the squirrels and the other $799999999900 going to US politician’s money laundering operation.
UPDATE: It was just reported that a Biden-appointed federal judge had blocked Trump’s freezing of USAID money to pay for Guatemalan rodent sex surgeries, with many Democrats calling this a win for democracy and also their bank accounts.
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