SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– Christmas was cut short this year after Santa Claus’s sleigh was robbed while delivering gifts in a high crime area of San Francisco, leaving millions of children disappointed thanks to Democrat Governor Gavin Newsom’s soft on crime policies.
The crime occurred after Santa left his sleigh unattended to go drop some presents off inside of a home, with police claiming the expert criminals had been waiting for Jolly Ole Saint Nick to leave so they could steal all the gifts.
“I was only away from my sled for maybe two minutes,” said Santa Claus to a local Fox News station early this morning. “I’ve been delivering gifts for centuries and this is the first time this has ever happened to me. My wife Mrs. Claus warned me before I left that maybe I should avoid these high crime Democrat cities, but I told her the children were depending on me and I didn’t want to let them down.”
California Governor Gavin Newsom gave a Christmas day press conference and blamed Santa for the incident due to the jolly fat man’s racist, homophobic, transphobic past.
“I stand in solidarity with those downtrodden criminals just trying to feed their families,” said Governor Newsom in reference to the thieves who stole Santa’s gifts. “The North Pole has a systemic white supremacist problem that needs to be addressed and I will do everything in my power to make sure that Santa is charged with a crime for trying to stop those young men from taking his gifts.”
At publishing time, it was reported that Santa Claus had become radicalized from the incident and was later seen wearing a MAGA hat.
