LONDON, ENGLAND– After facing immense criticism for his handling of the massive amount of knife crimes happening in the United Kingdom mostly perpetrated by illegal immigrants, Prime Minister Keir Starmer decided to take a proactive approach to end the murders of British citizens by just giving the illegal invaders guns to use instead.
PM Starmer gave a press conference to tell Britons the great news that he had listened to their cries for help with knife violence and finally put an end to all the people getting stabbed on a daily basis.
“I’m pleased to announce that I have put an end to all the stabbings occurring in the UK, righto” said Starmer while handing out rifles to gleeful illegal aliens. “To solve these terrible knife crimes, I have directed my administration to begin handing out guns to our peaceful immigrant community. So now instead of getting stabbed by one of our mostly peaceful immigrants, you will get shot and most likely die. You can thank me later, chaps.”
Immigrants in the UK will be given both one rifle and one handgun, and will have an allotment of five hundred bullets a month, depending on how many people they shoot. The immigrants get to keep their knives, but are asked to only use them in the event their guns run out of ammunition.
Starmer’s decision to arm already dangerous foreigners to remove native English citizens was met with praise by other world dictators, including Canada’s Justin Trudeau, France’s Emmanuel Macron, and United States Vice President Kamala Harris.
