TRENTON, NEW JERSEY– The state of New Jersey made a progressive decision this week by lowering the legal drinking age from 21 to 2-years old, with Governor Phil Murphy making it official by signing it into law on Wednesday.
Murphy was all smiles as he singed the bill into law while surrounded by proud NJ Democrats who said that politicians need to keep making progressive decisions in order to advance as a civilization.
“New Jersey is proud to be the first state to allow mature 2-year-olds the right to buy alcoholic beverages,” said Gov. Murphy while leftwing news reporters cheered and clapped. “We feel that at 2-years-old a child is ready to decide for themselves whether they want to drink alcohol or not without their parent’s consent.”
The governor said 2-year-old children can make clearer decisions on whether they want to transition to the opposite sex after they’ve downed a six pack of beer rather than being sober.
“It’s long past due to get alcohol into our infants,” said Murphy as he poured vodka into a child’s mouth. “I had my first beer at 3-years-old and look at how normal I turned out to be.”
In addition to lowering the drinking age to 2, New Jersey also has future plans to let preschoolers smoke weed and to also allow fetuses to undergo transgender surgeries.
“We won’t let California take the progressive spotlight from us,” added Murphy while he breastfed from a beaver.
