U.S.– Federal authorities are warning Americans of a dangerous criminal currently on the loose after a pigeon flew over and then crapped on a pride mural painted on a public street and a serious manhunt is underway in an effort to catch the homophobic bird.
President Biden has urged the FBI to use all means necessary to capture the bigoted pigeon after video surveillance cameras showed the bird callously dropping a hot, steamy load all over a rainbow-colored street mural.
“We take hate crimes against the LGBTQ+ community by homophobic animals very seriously,” said FBI Special Agent Hung Overton to news reporters as he adjusted his women’s panties. “The FBI doesn’t tolerate hate against our most special class of people, especially during pride month. This criminal pigeon defecating on a pride mural is a much more serious issue for the FBI to investigate rather than us to trying to go after rapists, murderers, and child traffickers.”
According to the FBI, the pigeon is a hardcore Donald Trump supporter and has posted dangerous domestic terrorist symbols on its Facebook page, including American flags, Bibles, and Joe Biden memes.
The FBI is asking for the public’s assistance in apprehending the pigeon, and the bird faces a minimum of 900 years in prison and a $400 million fine.
