SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA– A horrible crime happened in California yesterday after a group of guns magically came to life and then broke into the home of Gavin Newsom and began terrorizing the frightened governor by taunting him and calling him a bunch of mean names.
Police were called to the scene when one of the guns called in to tell authorities that they had captured the greasy governor and were holding him hostage until their demands were met.
“That’s right, we’re real, and we have your governor,” one of the guns said over the phone while Newsom could be heard crying in the background. “Everything Democrats said about us is true. Every single gun crime ever committed was our fault and not the person holding us.”
Swat teams were finally forced to storm the governor’s mansion after one of the guns took it’s torture too far by messing up Newsom’s perfectly styled hair a little bit before rummaging around Gavin’s makeup cabinet.
Due to the seriousness of the crime, President Biden immediately signed an executive order bypassing both Congress and the Supreme Court making it a federal offense for guns to come to life and dishevel the hair of corrupt, smarmy politicians.
