LANGLEY PARK, MARYLAND– In a desperate attempt to take back the lead for president of the United States from arch rival Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton recently gave a spirited rally at the Lost Hope cemetery in the quiet town of Langley Park, Maryland.
“I’m so happy you all showed up,” Clinton told the scattered headstones, wearing a casual brown dress and pointed hat. “I just want you all to know that no one cares about the deceased voters like I do. While Donald Trump is out trying to win the limited amount of living voters, I’m here showing my full support for the millions and millions of you deceased Americans who are the unheard voices of America.”
With secret service waiting back at a taxpayers’ limousine, Clinton walked over to one of the headstones and knelt down to brush aside its overgrown weeds. “What’s your name, sir?” Clinton asked as she leaned forward and kissed the cold concrete. “Bashful, huh? Well, whoever you are, fellow American, I just want to make sure that come election time I have your most important vote. And just so you know, I’m promising all deceased voters more transgender rights, more support for Israel and I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to take away the Second Amendment rights of whoever put you down there.”
On the other side of the bleak graveyard, husband and former president Bill Clinton was giving a speech in front of a life-size statue of a busty naked woman in an effort to sway her vote in favor of Hillary. “Aw c’mon, honey,” Bill said as he held the statue’s bird poop-covered hand. “This won’t hurt a bit.”
The Clinton campaign rally schedule for the next two weeks will be in the following cemeteries:
Death Rows cemetery on October 19th;
Gallows High cemetery on October 21st;
Los Muertos cemetery on October 24th;
Feline Freedom pet cemetery on October 29th.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars