BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA– How would you feel if you were walking down the street and suddenly saw a man getting an erection out of the back of his shirt? To some people it may seem like something out of a weird science fiction movie, but thanks to advances in medical technology, genital relocation has become a long-awaited reality.
Long gone are the days when getting a piercing or a tattoo was the chic thing to do. Nowadays, getting one’s genitals removed and then sutured to a different part of the body has become the latest craze, thanks in part to many famous D-list celebrities starting the trend.
According to Beverly Hills surgeon Dr. Harve Weinerman, genital relocation is not only a safe and simple procedure, taking under twenty minutes to complete, but it also gives Mother Nature a big middle finger for putting a human’s most sensual organs in between their legs where no one can see them.
“I’ve been practicing genital relocation on animals for the last decade,” Dr. Weinerman said as he led reporters into a recovery room where one of his male patients was recuperating. “The hardest part of the entire procedure is actually helping the patient decide where they want their genitals to be placed.”
The patient Gary Testones, 37, claims that he’s felt trapped inside of his disfigured body since adolescence and has always believed that his genitals belonged on his chest and not between his legs.
“I finally feel liberated,” Testones said, showing reporters the results of the procedure. “I thank Dr. Weinerman for helping me break out of my cocoon of hideousness and shame. Now it’ll also be easier for me to treat my herpes.”
One of the biggest hurdles of the genital relocation procedure, says Dr. Weinerman. is making sure the patient isn’t allergic to the super glue that’s used to suture the genitals onto the other area of the body.
“Hopefully the glue sticks,” the doctor joked. “If not, our medical grade duct tape will hold the genitals on the skin for an average of two months, depending on the frequency of water exposure. Otherwise, patients must come into my office for reapplication once the tape or glue starts to loosen. Each office visit costs $2900 because unfortunately insurance companies refuse to cover genital relocation.”
Even though most patients who get genital relocation surgery are male, many women are also jumping on the bandwagon and having male genitals placed somewhere on their body.
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