MARTHA’S VINEYARD– After not receiving his pizza within the promised thirty minute window, incensed former President Barack Obama was left with no other choice but to attack an innocent civilian with one of his drones in the same way he did it while in the White House.
“Where the hell’s my pizza?” Obama asked angrily while pacing around the front of the house. “They promised me they’d be here in thirty minutes or less and it’s now been thirty-one minutes. I paid almost $65,000 for this pizza, so I expect better service. Wouldn’t you agree, Michael? I mean, Michelle.”
According to Obama, he said he can get very agitated if he doesn’t get his favorite pizza and can even suffer through pizza withdrawal. Unable to withstand the symptoms any longer, Obama zeroed in on the pizza delivery driver and sent a missile to blow up the man’s vehicle.
“I have a lot of important guests coming over for a pizza party and there’s no pizza here,” said Obama loudly over the phone to the pizza joint manager. “Now if you don’t send another pizza delivery guy over here pronto I’ll be forced to send a few more drones to dispose of some more innocent civilians. Maybe a wedding or two.”
At publishing time, Obama decided to just drone strike the entire shopping center where the pizza place was located and then order hot dogs instead. Democrats defended Obama’s attack by saying the former president can’t be held liable due to presidential immunity.
