WASHINGTON– After winning Washington, DC in the Republican primary, presidential candidate Nikki Haley gave a celebratory speech in front of a massive crowd of five people and said that she is now one step closer to being able to begin nuclear World War 3.
“Great news, everyone, we just won the swamp,” said Haley jubilantly while showing the crowd the thumb she’ll use to push the nuclear button. “With tonight’s big victory over Donald Trump, we’ve taken yet another big step toward the White House and being able to begin an invasion into every country on earth. I can almost smell the nuclear fallout as we speak.”
Haley told the confused crowd of supporters that in order to save the world it must be destroyed.
“I know it sounds like it doesn’t make sense, but it really doesn’t,” said Haley, holding up a sign that read ‘We want war, not peace.’ “I’m a woman of my word and I promised each and every one of you that if I become president I will make sure that we have endless wars and constant fighting. And also, there might be a few billion people dead from nuclear Armageddon. Just a small minor detail I didn’t want to leave out. I don’t know what it is, but all this talk of destroying the world is getting me all warm and fuzzy inside”
Mrs. Nikki Nimarata Randhawa Haley took the opportunity to gloat over the victory and to also lambaste her Republican opponent former President Trump for his weak stance on wanting world peace and not getting millions of people killed.
