WASHINGTON– Not one to be upstaged by his Republican opponent, President Joe Biden has decided to compete with Donald Trump‘s recent launch of his sold-out $399 gold Trump sneakers and will be selling his very own line of gold diapers for only $69.
After seeing Trump’s gold “The Never Surrender High-Top Sneakers” sell out within hours of launching them, Biden’s aides informed him that this would be the perfect time to release his own line of merchandise and so he was proud to announce the limited edition gold “The Big Guy’s Always Surrender Depends Diaper” this morning from the White House Oval Office bathroom.
“Get them while they’re hot, folks,” said Biden while holding up a steaming golden diaper that he just christened inside of the restroom. “Trump’s not the only one who knows how to make a buck selling stuff. I have a long and lucrative career of selling off the United States to foreign countries for years, Jack.”
Biden said there’s only 1,000 gold diapers available and each one comes from his own personal collection that he promises he actually wore, with each soiled undergarment coming with a guaranteed official certificate of authenticity.
“Every diaper’s different and each one comes with its own unique smell,” boasted Biden as masked White House personnel opened all of the windows. “Trust me, kids, these are the most comfortable diapers you’ll ever wear, super soft and squishy. I know this will be an explosive success. Every penny made from these diapers will be going to get me installed back into office. I mean, reelected.”
Also available for purchase are a line of $9.99 rainbow-colored curtains worn by First Lady Jill.
