ATLANTA, GEORGIA– With the presidential election only months away, frantic Democrats have been going from graveyard to graveyard pandering to potential dead voters in an effort to sway them to vote blue.
While strolling around the Lost Hope Cemetery in downtown Atlanta trying to help Joe Biden garner more votes to defeat Republican Donald Trump, Democrats AOC, Stacey Abrams, and Nancy Pelosi stopped at each and every tombstone to promise the dead person underground that they’ll give them everything for free if they just vote blue.
“Well, hello, aren’t you a pretty young lady with your bony legs crossed,” said Biden to the grave of a ten-year-old girl. “If your mommy and daddy are not around, I could take you in my Corvette and drive you down to the voting booth. Don’t worry, you can trust me, I’m just an innocent old grandpa.”
While Biden sniffed the cold, rigid headstone, Pelosi poured a couple drops of her vodka onto the gravesite and told the dead person that if they vote Democrat then they’ll lower the drinking age for dead people to eight-years-old.
“I know we can count on your vote,” said Pelosi after vomiting onto the back of Biden. “Republicans want to take away your voting rights and your right to have an abortion. Democrats believe every dead person deserves the right to have both their vote and their voice heard.”
Biden also promised the dead voters that he plans on allocating over $100 billion to expand the size of every cemetery in America to make room for the large influx of people who died from the totally safe COVID vaccine.
