Fetish Porn Found On Clinton Email Server

WASHINGTON– Federal prosecutors investigating the classified materials on Hillary Clinton’s private email server have uncovered secret archives of fetish porn files hidden under a previously overlooked email folder titled “Hil’s Work Related Stuff”.

The fetish porn in question was mostly plushophilia, which is the sexual attraction to stuffed animals and anyone dressed up as a stuffed animal.

The prosecutors investigating the possible mishandling of these classified materials on Clinton’s email server have begun the tedious process of downloading thousands of plushophilia photos onto their own hard-drives for future research in the privacy of their own homes. They’ve also begun setting up formal interviews with some of her closest aides, who reportedly took photos of Clinton in compromising positions while dressed up as various stuffed animals.

The interviews will help FBI agents better understand how Clinton was able to spend a great portion of her time dressed up as different animals, with many of the photos in question taking place inside of the White House, on business trips with world leaders and while giving speeches at democratic rallies in front of thousands of people who apparently didn’t see a thing.

“These interviews are critical to understanding just how many different plushy photos she sent on an unsecured server,” said Biff Strickland, former head of the FBI’s Washington field office. “Agents need to interview these crucial female witnesses, preferably while they’re dressed in one of these plushy outfits to fully comprehend just how these emails were actually sent with this unsecured server.”

Many legal experts believe that Clinton faces little risk of being prosecuted due to the fact that most of the FBI’s top brass were uncovered in many of the photos dressed in similar plushy outfits.

“The evidence in this case doesn’t fit with the law,” said Buster Hymen, a law professor at Mexican-American University. “Most people will think that federal law prohibits Clinton from wearing furry animal hides, sending the photos on an unsecured line and running a worldwide plushophilia sex ring, but I don’t think it really does.”

At a recent rally in Bear Claw, Michigan, Clinton showed her frustration with the way the FBI and the Republican party are making light of what most normal Americans do in their free time.

“This is a ploy by the other party to prevent me from winning the presidency,” Clinton said to a crowd of fifth graders. “You people understand that everyone has their sexual needs and gratifications, don’t ya?”