U.S.– Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has officially dropped out of the 2024 presidential race after not being able to go any longer without eating and decided to pursue his lifelong dream of putting more food into his mouth.
Christie said the impetus for his decision to suddenly drop out of the race and disappoint his three supporters was because he wasn’t able to perform his duties any longer due to a rare medical condition that requires him to eat every two minutes.
“Truth be told, I wasn’t able to keep up with the rigorous demands of just standing around and insulting Trump,” said Christie while shoving nine chocolate eclairs into his mouth at once. “Most people don’t know this, but I have a serious, rare medical problem that if I don’t eat every two minutes then I’ll get really hungry and might end up losing an ounce or two of weight.”
The rotund Republican admitted that he tried to hide his medical condition from the public, saying he would sneak food into his mouth whenever he thought no one was watching him.
“During the last Republican debate I ate over five hundred times while on live TV,” said Christie to the surprise of news reporters. “Every time the cameras would zoom into Ron DeSantis making one of his goofy faces I’d hurry up and shove an entire roasted turkey breast or some other small item into my mouth just to hold me over until commercial break when I’d eat someone from the audience.”
At publishing time, corpulent Christie was preparing for an upcoming surgery to have his mouth and throat enlarged to be able to shove more food into his mouth at one time.
