PARIS, FRANCE– In order to restore order to the massive riots overtaking major cities in France, President Emmanuel Macron warned the rioters that if they didn’t stop burning down French cities then he would be left with no other alternative then to play Elton John’s hit song “I’m Still Standing” on loop over loudspeakers until the protesters give up.
After rioters failed to heed his warning, Macron broke out his favorite Elton John album Too Low For Zero and put “I’m Still Standing” on repeat and then cranked up the volume over all the loudspeakers peppered throughout the various city streets.
“Make it stop, man, for the love of Allah,” screamed a male protester as he held his ears and ran from the city to get away from the music. “You win, man. I cannot take it anymore. If I hear this song one more time I am going to suicide myself. How long can this Mr. Elton keep on standing?”
Macron scoffed at the rioters’ distaste for his favorite singer Elton John and then began taunting them by dancing to the music from his mansion balcony while wearing a replica of the singer’s signature colorful glasses.
“I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah,” sang Macron as rioters cut off their ears. “Picking up the pieces of my life without you rioters on my mind. I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah.”
In honor of of Elton John’s contribution to stopping the violent French riots, Macron stepped down from his position and appointed the Rocket Man as the new president of France and also made “I’m Still Standing” the official French anthem.
