WASHINGTON– As a way to honor regular American citizens who have contributed to democracy, President Joe Biden held a ceremony inside the White House and awarded the prestigious Presidential Citizens Medal to esteemed forensic psychiatrist Hannibal Lecter for the way he helped curb dangerous climate change by eating so many carbon producing people.
“Today, I’d like to honor a great man who performed exemplary deeds of service toward his fellow citizens,” said Biden in reference to Dr. Lecter as the cannibal was wheeled out onto the stage. “History will remember your name, good sir. The way you showed selfless courage, bravery, and compassion by murdering all those dangerous carbon producers and then eating their faces off.”
Biden handed the award to Hannibal’s caretaker and then paused for a photo before telling the world that Dr. Lecter was a national hero who embodied the best qualities that every American citizen should strive to achieve in order to combat the threats of climate change.
“Maybe when we’re done here, me and you can go get a bite to eat,” said Dr. Lecter through his mask while staring at Biden’s wrinkled skin suit.
Other recipients of the distinguished award included heroic and respectable civilians such as Freddy Krueger, The Alien, The Terminator, and Darth Vader.
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