NEW YORK, NEW YORK– Due to the backlash caused by Brooklyn Nets basketball player Kyrie Irving sharing a link that some deemed anti-Semitic, the NBA has apologized profusely and has promised to make it up to the Jewish community by hiring more Jewish basketball players, regardless of their size or whether they can even play the sport.
“On behalf of Jews everywhere, we sincerely apologize for the anti-Semitic link shared by Kyrie Irving on Twitter,” said Harry Ballze, a spokesman for the NBA. “What Kyrie has done was worse than 911, the Holocaust, and World War 2 combined.”
Ballze went on to say that there’s no telling how many people may have died from Irving posting a link to a movie on his Twitter account, with some experts estimating that it’s possible that almost 6 million people may have been affected.
“To make up for the racist, bigoted, transphobic, anti-Semitic statements by Irving,” said Ballze, “the NBA has vowed to begin drafting more Jewish players into the league as a way to make the once black and white dominated sport more Jewish.”
The NBA has already replaced many of their top skilled, very tall black stars with up-and-coming short Jewish men who have never played basketball before, but at least the league will now have more representation from the group of people who make up only about two percent of the country.
Due to the fear of being labeled as anti-Semitic by the mainstream media, any points made by non-Jewish athletes will be automatically awarded to the team’s Jewish players.
