SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– A California man is being ostracized by his liberal friends for not having the flag of Ukraine tattooed across his face, with his former friends now claiming that he’s a Putin puppet working on behalf of the Russian government.
Brad Swallows says his former friends have already had him cancelled for refusing to show his undying support for Ukrainian President Zelensky, having him fired from his job at Twitter, getting his bank account closed, and having him reported to the FBI for trying to help Putin take over Ukraine.
“As soon as Brad refused to come with us to get a Ukraine flag forehead tattoo, I knew he was a Russian agent,” said Zoe, referring to the man she has known for almost her entire life. “I should’ve known Brad was a Putin puppet when he didn’t want to put more than three Ukraine flag emojis in his Twitter profile.”
In an effort to show his friends that he was still loyal to Ukraine, Brad put two more Ukraine flag emojis in his social media profile. Unfortunately, his liberal friends told him that it was too late and have now branded him a rightwing extremist and even worse, a MAGA Republican.
After hearing that Brad was a Russian agent for refusing to get the Ukraine flag tattoo, President Joe Biden was left with no choice but to send another $69 billion in aid to Ukraine.
