BRADDOCK, PENNSYLVANIA– After Republican Dr. Oz tweeted that he would like a second debate, John Fetterman’s campaign manager quickly hired a caveman named Grog to help the Democratic Senate candidate improve his public speaking abilities.
The Fetterman campaign said that the Democrat has made a very slight improvement in his oratory skills due to the caveman’s much more advanced and intellectual brain.
“Ooga-booga, me Grog, me help little brain man speak like Grog,” said Grog while Fetterman had trouble keeping up with the caveman’s superior cognitive abilities. “Groog-oog, little brain man look like big dinosaur, but have brain like rock.”
As best as he tried, Fetterman just wasn’t able to learn fast enough for the impatient caveman.
“Uh, me, um, me, hi, goodnight, everybody,” said Fetterman as Grog smacked his forehead in frustration. “Um, yeah, me, uh, fracking, ya know, me, Oz, yeah, ya know.”
Growing tired of having to repeat everything multiple times and then having to wait through extended speech pauses, Grog smacked Fetterman upside the head with his club before quitting and then saying he was just going to vote for Dr. Oz.
