LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA– Beloved doctor and canine tester Dr. Fauci has recently announced his retirement from playing a physician for the United States government and has said he’s already planning to use his much-deserved time off to open up an all-you-can-eat buffet-style restaurant that serves nothing but dog meat taken from all the animals he has murdered during his scientific experiments.
Fauci stood in front of the building where his future doggie diner was being built while giving reporters a salivating first look at the menu items he plans on cooking up once the buffet opens to the public in early 2023.
“I’ve had a very close relationship with dogs for most of my medical career,” said Fauci with a Duper’s delight smile as he sharpened his butcher’s knife. “So it made perfect sense for me to utilize my skills as a canine butcher to open up a doggy-themed restaurant.”
The soon-to-be former doctor said he came up with the idea of opening an all-dog meat menu buffet after his neighbors told him that the smell of rotting animal carcasses on his property were permeating throughout the neighborhood.
“I heard that real humans love dogs for some reason, so I’m sure they’ll all flock to Fauci’s Doggy Diner,” said Fauci, using his pinky finger to remove dog hair from his teeth. “I’ve already been practicing my culinary skills during my days off. Just wait till people try my delicious Hound Hamburgers. It’s to die for.”
The new Fauci’s Doggy Diner is set to open up in an affluent section of Los Angeles by early spring. California Governor Gavin Newsom said he’s looking forward to dining at Fauci’s restaurant and has even hinted at opening up his own vagrant food diner as a way to get rid of all the homeless people littering the streets.
