NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– This year’s New Year’s Eve celebrations will go on as planned with the exception of the iconic Ball Drop at midnight.
The famous Ball Drop has become synonymous with bringing in the new year, but due to pressure from various puberty rights groups the tradition will be replaced with a less offensive countdown.
Thousands of people took to Twitter X to voice their displeasure with the Ball Drop, saying that it degrades young males who are just entering into puberty.
For those that don’t know, the slang term “balls drop” refers to males who are just entering into puberty. Many angry people on social media have demanded that the Ball Drop be replaced with a less offensive and more politically correct way to ring in the new year.
After caving in to the angry mob, officials came up with the ingenious idea of replacing the New Year’s Ball Drop with a New Year’s Awl Drop.
New York City assemblyman Bill Liberace came up with the idea of using a 30 foot long awl with a sharp pointed steel blade on the end as a safe alternative to the neon ball.
“The Ball Drop was disgustingly outdated,” said Assemblyman Liberace. “I remember when I was a little boy going through puberty and all the older guys used to rib me about how I used to wear makeup and women’s clothes. No young male should have to be vilified for his desire to look more feminine.”
When asked about how he came up with the idea for the Awl Drop, Liberace reapplied his red lipstick and said, “Awl rhymes with ball, so it only makes sense that we did it that way.”
