WASHINGTON– In order to improve the abysmal ratings of the ongoing January 6 hearings into President Donald Trump, House Committee members came up with the brilliant idea of wearing bathing suits as a way to attract more viewers.
Minority member Liz Cheney told CNN’s Brian Stelter that she decided to show a little hairy skin as a way to get more people tuned in to the investigation into something Trump may or may not have done but doesn’t really matter because she just doesn’t like him.
“I’m willing to wear a bikini and sacrifice my dignity if it means making sure former President Trump never steps into the White House again,” said Cheney as Stelter jealously ogled her much hairier chest. “The only reason all those Trump trolls are making fun of me is because they’re secretly attracted to me and want to date me.”
Halfway through the interview, Cheney was joined by House Democrat Adam Schiff who was dressed in a tasteful yellow speedo that barely covered his masculine 87 pound body.
“What can I say, if you got the hot body you may as well show it off,” said Schiff as frightened seagulls dropped dead around him. “Mr. Trump is guilty of a whole slew of charges that I promise I’ll reveal once I pull the list out of this sexy speedo during tomorrow’s live broadcast.”
House Committee members were baffled after finding out that their ratings had dropped even further to below 0 percent, saying perhaps they didn’t take it far enough and that maybe they should do all future hearings completely naked instead.
