WASHINGTON–President Joe Biden awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to his trusty White House teleprompter for its meritorious contributions to the national interests of the United States by telling him everything he needs to say and for also doing all of his thinking for him.
After awarding the prestigious medal to a few masculine sports players, Biden came up from behind the teleprompter and sniffed the side of the device before placing the ribbon and badge around its screen.
“Today, I’d like to bestow this honor to the real brains of the White House,” said Biden as he rubbed himself up and down the teleprompter. “Maybe I should have chosen you as my running mate, instead of, uh, what’s her face, Carmel Harrison. End sentence. Pause. Next line. Joe’s a moron. End quote. Continue sniffing teleprompter.”
Not since former President Barack Hussein Obama has a teleprompter done more positive things for the country than the president himself. Even First Lady Jill Biden says that it’s nice having a real man like the teleprompter around the White House who doesn’t fall asleep every hour and crap its pants on a daily basis.
The White House said that some of the possible worthy recipients for next year’s Presidential Medal of Freedom are Biden’s Depends diapers, the Air Force One steps, Biden’s bicycle, and the arm Obama has shoved up Biden’s butt to make all of his decisions for him.
