WASHINGTON– After hearing of Ketanji Brown Jackson’s confirmation to the Supreme Court, President Joe Biden immediately got on the White House phone and called actress Whoopi Goldberg to congratulate her on becoming the first black woman ever nominated to the highest court in the United States.
“Whoopi, I heard the good news and I’m certain you’ll make a fine Supreme Court Justice,” said Biden over the phone to a confused Whoopi Goldberg. “Having the first Negress woman serve on the bench during my administration will hopefully increase my poll numbers with colored people.”
Biden went on to compliment Whoopi on winning over the Senate politicians with her love of young children, who the president says are also near and dear to his own geriatric heart.
“I love young children, especially the girls, their hair always has that fresh out of the shower smell,” said Biden while eating a few expensive hot dogs with Obama. “I look forward to your future totally fair and unbiased judgment once you make a decision on my son Hunter’s laptop case.”
An intern for Biden later informed him that Whoopi Goldberg is an actress and that Ketanji Brown Jackson was actually the black female who was nominated to the court, causing the president to have a momentary flashback of when he used to wear white hoods and burn crosses in the 1960s.
“How am I supposed to know it wasn’t Whoopi?” Biden yelled at the intern. “They both look like the same damn person to me. If that Whoopi ain’t the Supreme Court nominee then she ain’t black.”
When asked about Biden’s racist statements, press secretary Jen Psaki claimed that the president couldn’t have made those bigoted statements because at the time he was groping one of his female interns while signing an executive order to send another $500 trillion to Ukraine.
