SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– A slew of up and coming Democrat politicians have announced their candidacy for United States Congress after their psychiatric hospital closed its doors permanently, promising to bring their mental health experience into Washington.
Due to budget cuts and discrimination, numerous mental health facilities across California have shut down, forcing the state to release all the violent, insane patients back out into the public.
Many of the deranged and unhinged former patients have now decided to run for political office, with all of them strangely flocking to the Democratic party which they claim feels exactly like their time spent inside the psychiatric ward.
“Hi, my name’s Bill and I plan on implementing my progressive ideas once I get rigged into office,” said Bill Prozac, a former mental patient now running as a Democrat for Congress. “I’ll prove to everyone that liberalism is definitely not a mental disorder, no matter how many people’s faces I have to gnaw off with my teeth.”
Bill and his Democratic colleague Jill Zoloft say the reason why there’s so much violence in California is because there’s still not enough violent lunatic criminals like them roaming the streets and they promise once they get into Congress they’ll make sure every inmate across the state is released back out onto the streets and into public office as Democrat politicians.
“I think every criminal deserves a chance at freedom in the same way I just got mine, no matter how many people they’ve murdered,” said Jill Zoloft while wearing a blue bucket over her face for reasons. “I hope that one day I can obtain the intelligence of AOC, the grace of Nancy Pelosi, and the beauty of Maxine Waters.”
Former Democrat House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has recently endorsed candidates Prozac and Zoloft, saying they’ll both make a fine addition to the Democratic party.
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