CHICAGO, ILLINOIS– Democratic Mayor Lori Lightfoot has been taking some heat lately after vowing to only be interviewed by journalists who look exactly like her in every way, right down to her gorgeous brown eyes and receding hairline.
During an impromptu interview inside the mayor’s office bathroom, all reporters who couldn’t be mistaken for Lightfoot herself were quickly escorted out of the building to make way for the all-new journalists who were cloned directly from Lightfoot’s very own DNA inside one of Bill Gates’ vaccine laboratories.
Numerous journalists were left baffled after getting denied access to the popular Lightfoot, including a black, female NBC reporter named Tanisha Davis.
“Mayor Lightfoot’s security detail told me that I’m not superficially Lightfoot enough to be seen by her,” said Davis outside the mayor’s office. “They told me my eyes were too sunken in and that I should try to look more like Beetlejuice from the old Howard Stern show.”
Lightfoot took to Twitter to clear up any confusion regarding the lack of diversity and inclusion in her choice of special people whom she chose to speak directly to her, regardless of their race, gender, or species.
“By now you may have heard the news,” Lightfoot tweeted out, “that I will be exclusively providing one-on-one interviews only with gay, black, female, mayors of Chicago who look exactly like me.
“My only qualification is that they must pass as my twin, no exceptions,” she added.
Numerous CNN staff, including Brian Stelter and Chris Cuomo, have praised the mayor’s decision to only offer interviews to journalists who look exactly like her and have also stated that they will be undergoing plastic surgery to look more like Lightfoot in an effort to hopefully snag a much sought after interview with the popular mayor.
