SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA– While dressed in a winter parka and drinking scalding hot chocolate, California Governor Gavin Newsom urged residents to save energy by turning off their air conditioning and fans and also to refrain from running water so that he has more to use for himself.
After he finished feeding his pet penguin caviar and giving it a bath, Newsom turned down his home’s nineteen air conditioners to a cool 39 degrees so that he could try on his new winter parka jacket he purchased to go skiing in the snow slopes he made inside of one of the rooms of his $100 million dollar mansion.
“California may be experiencing a record-breaking heatwave, but you’d never know it as cold as it is inside my house,” said Newsom with a toothy grin, sticking his hand inside his pocket to get warm. “Our energy grid is being pushed to its max, thanks to the $100,000 it costs a month to run my home. Thank goodness the taxpayers are paying for this bill and not me.”
Feeling generous, Newsom told Californians that once a week they can turn their air conditioners on between 3:30 am and 3:40 am, but to make sure to keep the temperature set at 95 degrees or higher to avoid having a blackout.
When asked later if he felt it was a tad hypocritical to have his home almost freezing while all other residents are suffering, Newsom put on a second parka over the first one and then shook his chilly head.
“Nonsense, does it really look like I’m enjoying being this cold,” said Newsom while shivering. “As your governor, I suffer so you don’t have to. Believe me, I’d much rather be outside in the heat sweating and getting dehydrated than being inside my home staying cool and enjoying this hot cocoa.”
