WASHINGTON– Millions of Americans were thrilled after hearing the rumors that President Joe Biden was set to give $2.6 billion to the American people to help pay for the rising cost of living, only to find out later that the money is actually going to Ukraine once again.
Sources said Biden was strolling around the White House in a nervous panic after realizing that it’s been two whole days since he sent over a few billion dollars to Ukraine’s President Zelensky.
“C’mon, man, I need my fix, it’s been two days since I sent money to Ukraine,” said Biden anxiously over the phone to the Secretary of the Treasury. “You gotta give me what I need, man, if I don’t send a few more billion dollars to Ukraine within the next few hours I’m gonna lose it. I’m going through withdrawal, Jack.”
Thousands of American citizens took to social media to voice their frustration at the disappointment of not getting the money, only to be mocked by Twitter bots with Ukraine flag emojis in their bios about how selfish they are for denying President Zelensky his fourth multimillion dollar mansion.
“Americans are so selfish, President Zelensky needs another large home to take down Putin,” wrote one Twitter bot.
“If we don’t send another $900 trillion to Ukraine to help Zelensky buy a few more gold chains and diamond rings then how will Ukraine defeat Russia?” Asked another Twitter bot named ImNotABot.
After talking with his dealer, Biden agreed to stick it to the American people once again by sending another $3 billion to Ukraine every day for the rest of the month or until he gets so high that he overdoses.