ATLANTA, GEORGIA– The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced new recommendations for the use of masks, saying dead people are permitted to be buried wearing only three masks instead of five.
The new guidelines have eased up slightly on mask-wearing for the deceased now that there has been an exorbitant influx of dead people who were vaccinated right before they passed away.
“All corpses are still required to wear masks regardless of vaccination status,” said Dr. Moderna Johnson, head of the CDC cadaver unit. “Hopefully the loosening of mask restrictions will give an incentive for more people to get vaccinated so their dead body only has to wear three masks, but while still following social distancing rules with other coffins in the graveyard.”
Many dead liberals are questioning the CDC’s new mask guidelines and are saying that they will still be wearing five masks as well as a face shield while inside their casket due to too many conservative carcasses refusing to wear masks even though they’re dead.
The most popular president in history Joe Biden was quick to take credit for the CDC’s mask announcement and also praised the efficacy of the vaccines for killing so many needy people in such a short amount of time.
“I’d like to thank all the recent corpses, cadavers, and dead people for getting your safe and effective COVID shot when you were still alive,” Biden said inside a local cemetery. “As a reward for your stupidity, I mean bravery, every one of you people who died from the vaccine can now take off two of your masks while lying in your grave.”
Biden went on to say that real American patriots go get the vaccine, but only far-right extremists do crazy things like take vitamins, exercise, eat healthy, and go out in the sun.
