WASHINGTON– In one of the very few campaign promises that he actually fulfilled, Joe Biden has officially dismantled the earth’s atmosphere above the United States and has invited millions of illegal space aliens into America for free housing, healthcare, jobs, and all-you-can-eat human brains.
Before winning the presidency in one of the greatest landslides in history, Biden promised his nine supporters that he would reverse Donald Trump’s strict illegal space alien policy by tearing down the former president’s atmosphere to make way for the much-needed arrival of extraterrestrials into the US.
“Look, fat, we should be welcoming these aliens, not building atmospheres to keep them out,” Biden said after Mexican immigrant workers finished tearing down the Kármán Line. “Trump’s xenophobic Earth First policy and racist stance toward little grey men has only hurt our relationships with other planets. People from other planets are our friends, folks.”
As of this writing, more than 2 million illegal space aliens have already crossed the Earth-Space border and another 10 million are projected to land on U.S. soil by April in what Biden is calling a win for the American people.
“These aliens come in peace, man, trust me,” Biden said assuredly while five little grey men ate the brain of a screaming Fox News reporter. “We made cooperative asylum agreements with Mars, Pluto, and Uranus to allow space aliens to come to America.”
Even though the U.S. will be overrun with millions of space aliens with possibly numerous unknown diseases, Biden reiterated that everyone must still take COVID seriously and has mandated all citizens get vaccinated before aliens feast on their brains or make love to their husbands or wives.
