RISING FAWN, GEORGIA– The FBI issued an arrest warrant for a caveman suspected of masterminding the world’s first presidential election fraud scheme back 2 million years ago, bringing another thorough investigation to an end from America’s most reliable law enforcement agency.
The caveman was put on notice that the United States doesn’t put up with any type of election rigging and that all matters of voter fraud are taken seriously even if it takes 2 million years to take action.
Nedib the caveman, a Democrat politician who’s been dead for almost 2 million years, is wanted by federal authorities for undertaking history’s first presidential election fraud scheme and is being charged with election rigging, ballot stuffing, intimidating poll watchers with dinosaurs, taking bribes from the Communist Chinese Caveman Party, and using large, hairy female cavewomen to block Republican poll worker’s view of the ballot counting process.
“The FBI has gotten a bad rap this year for failing to investigate the 2020 presidential election,” said Clarice Starling, special agent in charge of the FBI Neanderthal division. “We want to regain the public’s trust and let everyone know that we promise to investigate President Trump’s claims of election fraud once we’ve finished investigating all the other elections in chronological order.”
The agent informed news reporters that some of the blame lies on Trump for failing to take a number and get in line since the FBI is only able to look at one case at a time, adding that perhaps in another 2 million years their investigation of the 2020 election debacle will be complete.
“We promise to get to the bottom of these current election fraud claims,” Starling said as other agents rented an RV for another false flag. “Our main focus right now is to find the caveman suspect and bring him in for questioning. We ask for the public’s patience as most of our agents are currently busy investigating a racecar driver’s shoelace that’s possibly tied into a noose.”
