WASHINGTON– Presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden reorganized his campaign staff Sunday by firing his current campaign manager and then hiring world famous cartoon wordsmith Grampa Simpson, sending President Donald Trump a clear message that he intends on winning the 2020 Presidential election this November.
The staff shakeup has injected new life into the already energetic Biden campaign, with many reputable news outlets claiming the addition of such a coherent and eloquent speaker such as Mr. Simpson signifies the end of Trump’s chances at winning a second term.
“I’m pleased to announce that I’ve hired, you know, that guy as my new campaign, you know the thing,” Biden said early this morning on CNN Newsroom in reference to Grampa Simpson’s new role. “That first guy just wasn’t cutting the mustard, and I needed someone who can appeal to the younger crowd and who was even more articulate than me, Joe Biden’s husband.”
Before working for Biden, Simpson spent most of his time yelling at clouds, wetting his diapers, and talking into a clothes iron whenever the phone rang.
Biden, 77, and Simpson, 83, have almost 200 years of earthly experience, which puts the Trump administration at a loss with the president’s campaign manager still too wet behind the ears to compete with the more qualified cartoon character.
Grampa Simpson gave an acceptance speech in front of a few pigeons at a local park, thanking the billowy clouds for choosing him for such an influential role.
“I’m itchy and I’ve got ants in my pants,” Simpson stated articulately as he screamed at the sky. “I’m discombobulated! Give me a calmative!”
According to a CNN anonymous source, Trump was said to be extremely worried after hearing the news that Biden had hired the rational progressive Simpson to write all the former vice president’s rally speeches, Twitter messages, and Facebook posts.
With the addition of political expert Simpson to his staff, Biden is now leading Trump in the polls by a whopping 69 points. Due to the recent success, Biden says he plans on hiring more “experienced” advisers to his staff, including Fatty Arbuckle, Charlie Chaplin, and Mr. Magoo.
