WILMINGTON, DELAWARE– Former Vice President Joe Biden has finally opened up about his possible choices for bathroom Cabinet if he ends up winning the 2020 election, saying that appointing roles for bathroom supplies is one of the most important decisions a president can make.
The Democratic presidential nominee announced during a press conference inside of his home restroom that he has started putting together a post-election transition team, which will consist of his favorite bath towel, a Metamucil bottle, denture adhesive, hemorrhoid cream, diapers, and so on.
“There’s an enormous amount of qualified supplies inside my home’s shitter Cabinet,” Biden said, opening the stained door of his brown bathroom cabinet. “My transition team of highly-skilled things, or whatever they’re called, is already being put together or my name isn’t Jimmy Carter.”
Biden went on to inform news reporters that his Department of Defense will be headed up by none other than a pair of Depends, saying the rugged adult diaper is perfect at protecting the integrity of visiting elderly foreign leader’s trousers from accidental leakage.
After CNN’s Jim Acosta left a few scented rosebuds inside Biden’s toilet, the former president had one of his younger interns go on Twitter to namedrop a few more possible picks for his future White House Oval Office bathroom cabinet.
“If I win the presidency from Ronald Reagan,” Biden wrote in the tweet, “I’ll be appointing my Metamucil bottle to Health and Human Services to loosen up any corruption, as well as my favorite towel to cover our bare Homeland Security.”
