WASHINGTON– Former FBI director James Comey has recently released a full report on all the accusations that he is guilty of federal crimes, claiming that his own personal investigation into himself has officially exonerated him of any wrongdoings.
Comey says his findings show that he is also innocent of engaging in a “witch hunt” against Trump and that he is now cleared of any misconduct.
His report went on to say that after thoroughly investigating his alleged leaking of classified information to prompt a special counsel’s appointment, Comey found that Comey is also innocent of all charges.
“For two years,” Comey said in the official report, “the President of the United States and his little Trumpette followers taunted me during Trump’s rallies, saying that I’m going to go to jail for acting unlawfully in the Russian interference investigation.”
He continued saying, “Well, I got one thing to say to Mr. Trump and all his little Trumpette bullies. I’m better than you, na-na na-na boo-boo, stick your head in poo-poo. I’m innocent! Just proved you wrong! Kiss the ring.”
The final nail in the coffin for Trump’s allegations against Comey came when his father J. Brien Comey was brought in to help with the legitimate investigation into his son James’ supposed crimes and frequent, uncontrollable urges to leak.
Dad Comey wrote a twelve word letter proving that his boy James has finally been proven innocent, clearing his name once and for all.
“To Mr. Trump,” the letter stated in what is now a closed case, “My son Jimmy is a good boy. Love, Dad.”
