OTTAWA, CANADA– Justin Trudeau has apologized after an old photo surfaced of him not kneeling at a New Year’s Eve party he attended in 1999 when a Prince song came over the radio, saying “it was a racist thing to do” and promising that he will never stand again.
The insensitive photograph of Trudeau standing on his white feet as a black music artist played in the background was published by Time magazine on Friday, only days after the hypocritical prime minister took a knee in solidarity with BLM protesters against police brutality.
“I apologize profoundly for standing on my racist white feet,” said Trudeau while on both of his knees during a live press conference. “I regret it deeply. I’m deeply sorry I did that, eh. I should’ve known better that standing is offensive to minorities.”
“It was something that I should not have done, but my white privilege blinded me to the plight of black Americans and also to the fact that I didn’t realize at the time that Prince was a black singer.”
Although some members of Black Lives Matter praised Trudeau’s promise of kneeling for the rest of his life to make up for his racist past, others said that kneeling is not enough and perhaps he should slither around on his stomach like a snake.
“How does kneeling help against police brutality?” A random protester asked as Trudeau kissed protester’s feet in search of forgiveness. “Taking a knee is not enough because it’s still too racist, but slithering around like a snake is a step in the right direction at combating police violence and white supremacy.”
When pressed by CTV News reporters Trudeau later admitted that there may be more images of him standing on his feet, running, and jumping beyond the thousands of them that have already been released.
In addition to his own reform, Trudeau plans on implementing an all-kneeling police force to help fight against the rampant injustice within the Canadian community, and any racist officers who refuse will have their legs sawed off at the knees or face life in prison.
