BIG PHARMA, TEXAS– After having to finally admit that flu vaccines actually cause the flu, scientists have created a new flu vaccine that they guarantee will get rid of the effects of the original flu vaccines that were given to prevent the flu.
The new anti-flu vaccine vaccine is being heralded as a breakthrough in modern medicine. The latest vaccine is being touted as the best possible way to prevent the flu that’s already happened anyway and it’s being marketed to those unfortunate people who were given the first flu vaccine and yet still got the flu, or worse.
Flu vaccine specialist Dr. Stoole Soffner wants the public to be cognizant of the fact that this new flu vaccine is not to be given to anyone who has not already been given a previous flu vaccine.
The good doctor recommends that before anyone goes out and gets the new anti-flu vaccine vaccine, they must first get the original flu vaccine and then wait for the flu symptoms, such as headaches, cough, sore throat, terrible body aches, and near death, to ravage the body.
“This new anti-flu vaccine vaccine does not prevent the flu,” Dr. Soffner said as he gargled with mouthwash. “This new anti-flu vaccine vaccine is being given to combat the effects of anyone who got sick from taking the first flu vaccine. I know this sounds confusing, but it really is.”
Dr. Soffner says that him and his fellow scientists made a minor error when they first thought that injecting people with the flu virus would not make them sick.
“It was an honest mistake,” Dr. Soffner promised as he smiled for the cameras.
But not everyone is falling for Dr. Soffner’s toothy grin. Many people, including activist Matt Tress, believes that scientists like Dr. Soffner knew that the vaccine would give people the flu and were just waiting to spring this new anti-flu vaccine vaccine on people in an effort to make even more money.
“This’s all about money, man,” Tress said as he and hundreds of other activists protested outside of a large photo of Dr. Soffner’s beautiful white teeth.
Dr. Soffner is urging everyone to go out right away and get a standard flu shot and then wait for the virus to make you feel terrible.
Dr. Soffner added, “Anyone who’s already had the flu shot and has gotten ill is a prime candidate for the new anti-flu vaccine vaccine. Unfortunately, due to rising dental bills for me and my colleagues, these new flu shots are not free, but will be offered at a low cost of $69.95 per shot or two shots for $89.95. Getting injected twice is probably better anyway.”
