NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA– Due to enormous pressure from various groups, this year’s Mardi Gras is going to be separated into groups based on gender and sexual orientation.
Officials are asking all Mardi Gras attendees to decide on which group they belong to because future partiers will need to submit their name and group preference on the city’s website before the February 10 deadline. Once your name and group preference is submitted, you will be able to print out an identification card with your name, gender, and sexual orientation on it.
The card is required for everyone looking to partake in the Mardi Gras festivities. The city is setting up check points with Mardi Gras inspectors who will check each person’s card before letting them into their designated party area. It’s similar to being carded before going into a club or having to show a beach tag.
The head of this year’s Mardi Gras planning organization, Jasper Bassington, says that due to all the pressure and backlash from movements such as #MeToo, officials were forced to make the tough decision of having to segregate everyone and also do away with years of tradition.
“I know it seems like we’re being set back decades,” Bassington said, “but look at the bright side. People will no longer have to associate with someone who’s different than them.”
Organization member Oscar Troutman is warning that, even though this is a great start to prevent harassment or fighting, there’s still too many other variables to take into consideration.
“Sure, we’re separating the men from the women and the gays from the straight,” said Troutman, “but what about all the different races and religions. We’re still gonna have problems.”
Update: In light of the new findings, officials have now updated the Mardi Gras party stipulations and are breaking down all the groups even further to also include different races and religions. Officials have set up an identity checker on their website to help people figure out who they really are and what group they fall under the most.
Update 2: Upon further examination, officials have decided to separate people even more based on their hair and eye color and also whether they own pets or not and also on their level of education.
Update 3: After coming up with more different groups, the planning organization has now officially cancelled Mardi Gras due to the whole event being too confusing and time-consuming.
