New Study Shows That Animals Are Smarter Than Most Humans

GREYBULL, WYOMING– Researchers at the Mammalian Studies Institute in Greybull recently came out with some groundbreaking evidence that proves that animals are smarter than their human counterparts, even more intelligent than the researchers who undertook the rigorous five year long study.

Inside of a local college auditorium, 44 year old scientist John Sharke told a crowd of ten thousand scientific studies students how animals of various kinds went head-to-head with humans and surpassed them on almost every test.

“The results were astounding,” Sharke said as the students stared at the ceiling and mumbled in confusion. “In almost every psychological, intellectual, as well as physical examination, animals outscored humans by a minimum of ten to fifty points.”

Sharke added, “In one examination, we had a dog and a human stand at attention and, when we threw a Frisbee, it was the dog who properly fetched it in his mouth and brought it back to us and in the quickest time. The doltish human just stood there frozen, as though he had never played this game before.”

According to Sharke, the animals with the highest levels of intelligence are dolphins, chimpanzees, sparrows, squirrels, and moles. He went on to state that squirrels had the highest level of ingenuity when it came to locating peanuts among leaves and twigs.

“Not even one pathetic human was able to beat out the dolphin in a one mile swim across the ocean,” he added as the students went back to their smartphones. “At one point I believed that I was the one who was being quizzed and examined by these fine animal specimens. With the superior level of intelligence that animals have coupled with the inferior quality of our human brains, there’s no telling just how smart they really are.”