KALAMAZOO, MICHIGAN– Senior citizens across the country have found a new way to feel young again by lighting themselves on fire and letting the rush and excitement of burning their skin take years off of their appearances.
Even though this awesome trend isn’t exactly new–smart teens have been doing this for years–seniors have taken the trend one step further by first turning on gas somewhere inside their house, flicking a cigarette lighter, and then watching the fun unfold.
“I can’t tell you how young I feel again,” said 87 year old Morty Sheinlen, showing reporters a closeup of his completely charred skin. “Me and my wife Helen have been setting each other ablaze for the last two months and the compliments we have been receiving from our friends is worth every minute of it.”
After watching YouTube videos of teens committing self-immolation, Sheinlen and many other seniors had the brilliant idea of mimicking these actions in the hopes that someday their own YouTube videos will attract just as many views.
“My YouTube channel already has over 50,000 subscribers,” Sheinlen boasted as he doused his chest with lighter fluid and signaled for his wife to grab a video camera. “My goal is to reach one hundred thousand subscribers before I completely burn myself to a crisp. Maybe once I reach that level of popularity, I’ll celebrate by jumping directly into a pit of fire after soaking in a tub of gasoline for a few hours.”
Update: After this article was written, it was reported that Morty and Helen Sheinlen jumped into a 2,200 ºF incinerator for ten minutes while cameras recorded the entire event. The video was uploaded to YouTube and already has over 500,000 views.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
I always wondered why grandma was black.