BAGHDAD, IRAQ– Hundreds of ISIS members have threatened to quit their jobs as terrorists yesterday after having their wages cut, informing their leaders that if their previous salaries are not reinstated then they will quit and find other employment.
According to the Baghdad Gazette, the terrorist group has been having some difficulties raising funds after several of their donors pulled out once news was released that ISIS has been losing its popularity due to a new terrorist group named Shish Kabob.
“This’s ridiculous,” said 34 year old ISIS member Akbar Hasaad by way of google translator. “We’ve been out here under the scorching sun day in and day out working our tukhus’ off for a bunch of ungrateful and uncaring schmucks. And what do they do? They cut our hourly wages and tell us that it’s because our customers are not happy with our work performance.”
ISIS leader and part-time camel racer Omar Sharif, 42, says that this whole situation has been blown way out of proportion and that this is only a minor setback.
“You cannot believe everything you read in the press,” Sharif said as he tuned his camel’s engine. “Trust me, most of our members are still very happy even though, yes, they were given a minor reduction in their wages, but that’s not because we are losing any of our popularity. A few of our members have become a tad disgruntled and possibly jealous due to us farming some of our work out to China and India to save on overhead.”
Even though Sharif claims that the wage reduction is only temporary, many are not buying it.
“Sharif lies more times than his wife has made love to camels,” Hasaad said angrily as he stood in line at the local McDonald’s in Baghdad looking for work. “He’s got much chutzpah. I’ve already given him my two weeks notice and have applied to this American McDonald’s. I hear they are offering $.50 an hour plus one free meal a day.”
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
They should get hazard pay.