LONDON, ENGLAND– A top British scientist has confirmed through vigorous studies that by the year 2035 the United States of America will migrate back to jolly ole England, uniting the two countries once again after British colonists escaped Britain’s tyranny over 400 years ago.
At a symposium of the sciences held inside of a local British pub, Dr. Nigel Wolfington told a crowd of ale drinkers his theory on how and why the United States will invade England.
“We must start our preparations immediately,” Dr. Wolfington explained as drunken bar patrons shouted “death to America”. “Once the United States begins building their border walls around the southern and northern borders, that exorbitant amount of weight will begin a slow process of detachable mitosis, causing the earth beneath of it to slowly separate from Mexico and Canada.
“It’s my professional opinion,” Dr. Wolfington added as he drank his tenth ale, “that through magnetic migration, the United States will inevitably end up on England’s doorstep by no later than 2035, or after America’s one millionth season of America’s Got Talent, whichever one comes first.”
In a statement put out by the Royal Palace, the royal family claims that, not only does 92 year old Dr. Wolfington suffer from dementia, but he has also been dead since 1989.
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