HELL’S KITCHEN, NEW YORK– Desperation can lead people to do crazy things, but for one man, his need for a cigarette was even greater than his everlasting soul.
In an interview with MSNBC Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough, 47 year old Bruce Slachinski of Hell’s Kitchen told the world how he had left for work one morning and quickly realized that he had forgotten his pack of cigarettes.
“I was already two minutes from my apartment,” Slachinski told Scarborough as he lit up on camera and threw the match onto Mika Brzezinski’s lap. “It was too far to walk back home and I had already gone almost ten minutes without smoking. I was dying. Luckily, I had this strange voice speaking to me inside my head, saying that he’d make a deal with me.”
After placing a handkerchief over his nose, Scarborough read off of his cue cards. “So, wait a minute, Bruce. So you’re telling me that some voice in your head told you what to do? If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were the next David Berkowitz.”
“Thanks for the compliment, Joe, but no,” Slachinski said with a smile, blowing smoke in Scarborough’s coughing face. “Unlike Berkowitz, my voice was real. He said he was Satan and told me that if I sold him my soul that he’d give me a cigarette. I was like “wow, this’s the luckiest day of my life”.”
Throughout history, countless people have sold their souls in trade for wealth, power, beautiful women, and starring roles in Hollywood movies. Selling one’s soul to the devil for only a cigarette, Slachinski said, made the rest of those other people look foolish.
“I come from all long line of soul-sellers,” he said, grabbing his chest in pain. “Most of my family sold their souls to Satan for earthly riches, like when my cousin sold his soul for a window seat on a plane or when my Dad sold his soul for a great parking spot in Manhattan. I mean, c’mon, do you know how hard it is to get great parking in New York?”
When asked if he feared about suffering for eternity in the afterlife, Slachinski laughed it off. “Nah, I don’t believe in that stuff anyway. Only a crazy person would think that a powerful guy with horns and a tail would make deals with someone’s soul for a cigarette.”
Update: After this article was posted, it was reported that Bruce Slachinski disappeared after he entered inside an MSNBC elevator.
I once sold both my arms for a slice of pizza and had to eat it with my feet.
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I once sold my dog for a leash and had to walk myself.
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