SMELTIT, GEORGIA– A fecal rights group out of Smeltit has filed a lawsuit against Congress after they recently passed a controversial Toilet Paper Recycle bill, putting the ubiquitous fecal in the dangerous position of being out of a job.
According to Margaret Johnson, head chairperson of the Defecation Rights Group, Congress is violating state and federal laws protecting civil rights and prohibiting discrimination against fecal employment.
“Fecal matters too,” reads a poster plastered in every public restroom across the country.
“Fecal matters too,” Johnson reiterated, holding up one of the posters in front of CNN and MSNBC news reporters. “The passing of this bill has put the whole fecal industry in jeopardy. Millions of fecal will eventually be unemployed as more and more people start using this recycled paper. DRG is seeking to end this ridiculous policy, punitive damages, attorney’s fees, and for every member of Congress to shake a fecal’s hand and say that they’re sorry.”
This issue gained national attention after a 44 year old obese man refused to defecate inside a restaurant that didn’t have any of the new recycled toilet paper in its restroom.
Many fecals have been filing their own personal lawsuits against Congress once news of the first fecal layoff hit the news.
“I hope this’ll end discrimination everywhere,” said fecal Floater to CNN host Anderson Cooper while on the toilet. “Unfortunately, this problem’s more widespread than you think.”
Calls to various members of Congress were forwarded to the Oval Office bathroom.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Congress has probably already shook the hands of many fecal.
Visitor Rating: 4 Stars