Lawyer Sues Self For Identity Theft

BRIGHAM, ALABAMA– In what some are calling a case of mistaken identity, an eccentric copyright lawyer from Alabama is suing his own self for what he’s claiming is identity theft.

Harold Ramis, a 55 year old attorney with a history of questionable lawsuits, has filed numerous charges against his own self and is taking his self to court, cluttering the courts yet again with another one of his dubious claims. But Ramis wants everyone to know that he is taking this case very seriously this time.

“My self has clearly infringed upon my rights,” Ramis said boldly, giving a press conference in front of the Brigham courthouse. “My self is being charged with identity theft, copyright infringement, fraud, stalking, defamation of character, breaking and entering, property theft, raping my wife, spending time with my children, and a litany of other identity breaches.”

Identity theft is the deliberate use of someone’s else’s identity, typically for financial gain or to obtain credit or other benefits in someone else’s name. According to Ramis, lawyers have become easy targets for identity theft because of lawyers being in the public eye as well as their misconstrued reputation for suing individuals for frivolous things.

“My self has been given fair warning on thousands of occasions,” said Ramis, holding up a copy of a restraining order that he recently filed against his self. “If my self comes within 50 yards of me then Brigham police will have no other alternative but to arrest my self.”

The judge overseeing the identity theft case, the Honorable Hugh Assencrack, has gone on record stating that he also believes that Ramis is the unfortunate victim of the growing trend of identity theft by one’s self. Assencrack is also known for his tough stances against non-drunk drivers.

“This isn’t the first time this kinda case has come across my desk,” said Judge Assencrack while putting on his black robe. “The problem with these types of cases is that it’s difficult proving a motive for the self on why they chose their victim. Off the record, I’ve fallen victim to this type of identity theft also. It wasn’t until I threw the book at my self that I was able to get my life back.”

After showing reporters numerous photos of his self breaking into his house and staring at him in the mirror, Ramis explained how’s he’s fighting for other victims who may fall prey to their self stealing their identity.

“I’m working with Congress on getting a new law passed,” Ramis said as he looked over his shoulder nervously, “called the Self-Identified Identity Theft Self Law. As soon as I proposed this idea to Congress, many of them came forward and confided in me that they too were victims of identity theft by their self. This’s gonna start a new precedent with my fellow attorneys around the country, as there’s already hundreds of cases popping up with lawyers suing their self for damages.”

After the press conference, Brigham police arrested Ramis’ self for coming within 50 yards of Ramis.