Switzerland No Longer Neutral, Makes First Decision In 200 Years

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND– A major event happened today in the oldest neutral country in the world. Self-imposed and permanently armed Switzerland has finally decided to give up its status as the world’s oldest neutral country by making its very first decision in over 200 years.

The landmark decision to decide to no longer be neutral comes at a time when a large portion of the world is involved in wars, terrorist activities and accepting Caitlyn Jenner as the new role model for humans around the globe.

“This decision to decide did not come lightly,” insisted Simonetta Sommaruga, president of the Swiss Confederation. “Technically, our first decision was deciding to decide, if you want to be a stickler for details. So, deciding to be neutral was technically our second decision. But hey, who’s counting?”

Apparently many people are counting, says Viola Amherd, a member of the executive branch.

“We wanted to be able to first make a decision of deciding together,” she told reporters, already undecided. “With Simonetta taking it on herself to make the supreme decision for the rest of Switzerland was nothing less than selfish. Now this is going to go down in history as our very first decision in over 200 years.”

Switzerland’s neutrality and decision to abolish decisions in 1815 is known the world over. Their constraint on not making up their minds about anything has been fodder for countless books, speeches and movies.

Although Switzerland has not fought a foreign war since its Treaty of Paris in 1815 when they decided to end all decisions, this new turn of events already has numerous political pundits talking about what Switzerland’s decision-making process is going to be from here on out.

“Experts predict Switzerland blows up the entire world,” said 54 year old political expert Ralph Macchio on CNN’s ‘State of the Union’ with journalist Jake Tapper. “A country can’t go this long without deciding and then all of a sudden get pushed into making decisions. They’ll either implode on themselves or take out their decisions on the rest of the world. I hate to say it, but it’s gonna be a last round kick to our faces.”

At last report, mass chaos was seen in Switzerland as citizens couldn’t handle all the stress of these new responsibilities. Indecisiveness has ruined everyone’s ability to decide and has changed their minds about this decision to decide.