ATLANTA, GEORGIA– Presidential candidate Donald Trump recently announced on Twitter that he hired Frosted Flakes mascot Tony the Tiger as his campaign spokesman, one-upping rival Hillary Clinton’s recent hiring of beloved mascot Bill Clinton.
At a rally in Atlanta, Trump promised a crowd of 20,000 supporters that this was one of the best deals he’s ever made.
“Everybody loves Frosted Flakes,” Trump boasted as he ate an entire bowl of the cereal in less than ten seconds.
After wiping off his milk mustache, Trump burped and added, “Did you see how fast I ate that cereal, folks? No one eats cereal as quickly as I do. It would probably take Bernie Sanders twenty minutes just to get the spoon up to his mouth. My spoon to mouth reflexes are sharper than any other man alive, including Mr. Hillary Clinton’s.”
Once the crowd’s chanting died down, Trump brought Tony the Tiger out onto the stage.
“Here he is, folks,” Trump said as Tony did cartwheels onstage, “the second greatest mammal on this stage. I mean, c’mon. Is this the greatest acquisition ever, or what?”
As the crowd chanted “Tony for VP” Trump laid out the groundwork for his future plans with the famous tiger.
“I gotta little secret, folks,” Trump chuckled. “Tony’s not just my spokesman, but he’s also gonna be my head of security on the Mexican border. If anyone even thinks about crossing the border illegally Tony’s gonna maul ’em to death and bring me their head as a trophy for my new office in the White House. I’m gonna hang ’em right next to the photos of me after I take down all the pictures of the past presidents.”
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
What a great team.
The best.