BAGHDAD, IRAQ– The United States has agreed to deploy 8 million additional troops to Iraq and send 100 extra battle tanks to get a scared kitten out of a tree in Baghdad, not to steal Iraq’s resources, officials said on Sunday.
The increase in U.S. military presence is designed to help the already 10 million U.S. troops in the northern city of Mosul with the extraction of the kitten, which has been code-named Operation: Whiskers.
Speaking to reporters on Sunday in Baghdad, Defense Secretary Ash Carter said the decision to put more troops closer to the Islamic terrorist tree that’s holding the scared kitten hostage will help to do what’s needed to reduce any risk of troops getting scratched by the frightened feline.
“This’s a gamble we’re willing to take,” Carter told reporters, holding up a photo of the kitten with a sharp branch to its throat. “The addition of the battle tanks is significant because they can respond so fast to this quickly evolving tactical situation once the tree is distracted and the kitty is brought down to safety.”
President Obama chimed in while on vacation in the Bahamas and emphasized that the additional 8 million troops won’t be doing any fighting but providing support to the kitten by calling it by its name and pulling a toy mouse around to ease it form its stranglehold.
“My expectations are positive,” Obama stated as he sipped on a piña colada, “that by the end of this year we will have created the conditions whereby this terrorist tree will fall and the kitty will be rescued safely.”
The ‘kitty in the tree’ has become a worldwide phenomenon and already has its own Facebook page with 1.2 million likes. Sources say that Hollywood is already planning the much anticipated movie about the tragic life of the ‘kitty in the tree’ titled Saving Private Kitty, starring Grumpy Cat as Private Kitty.
(Update: 5/14/19 RIP Grumpy Cat)
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars