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Gavin Newsom Appoints Gavin Newsom To Investigate Fraud Committed Under Gavin Newsom
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Following a relentless barrage of reports from pesky independent journalists claiming billions of taxpayer dollars have mysteriously vanished, California Governor Gavin Newsom announced that he has appointed…
London Declared Safest City In Europe For People Who Don’t Visit London
LONDON, UK — London has officially been declared the safest city in Europe for people…
Elmo Insists New Chinese Muppet Was Just A Friend Who Wanted To Learn About US Military Bases
SESAME STREET — Elmo defended his friendship with a newly arrived Chinese exchange Muppet named…
Congress Introduces Historic Bill To Give Every Homeless Veteran A Cardboard Box
WASHINGTON — In what congressional leaders are describing as a historic breakthrough in veterans' housing…
AOC Accuses Americans Of Islamophobia For Not Celebrating Hindu Manure Festival
WASHINGTON – Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, AOC, accused Americans of rampant Islamophobia Tuesday after learning that…
Trump Retaliates For China’s Spying By Sending Marco Rubio To Charm Xi Jinping
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that the United States was launching an unprecedented counterespionage…
UK Police Arrest Sexual Predator After Establishing The Suspect Is Not Muslim
LONDON, UK — British police announced Monday that they had successfully arrested convicted sexual predator…