Karen Bass Attempts To Win Back Voters By Dropping Out Of Race
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Hoping to breathe new life into a struggling re-election campaign, Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass announced Thursday a bold new electoral strategy of completely dropping out…
Miriam Adelson And John Paulson Formally Awarded Co-Custody Of Ed Gallrein Following Successful Primary Adoption
HEBRON, KENTUCKY — In a touching scene that restored faith in the power of multi-million-dollar dark money investments, family court mediators confirmed that billionaire casino magnate Miriam Adelson and Wall…
Ed Gallrein Assures Voters He Only Followed OnlyFans Model To Keep An Eye On The ‘Moral Decay Of America’
HEBRON, KENTUCKY — Facing intense scrutiny just as voters head to the polls, Kentucky Republican congressional challenger Ed Gallrein held a press conference Tuesday morning to clarify that his official…
Shocking Accusation: Whistleblower Claims Thomas Massie Hung Toilet Paper In ‘Under’ Position During 2018 Dinner Party
FRANKFORT, KENTUCKY — The increasingly bitter Kentucky Republican primary descended into unprecedented territory Monday after a brave anonymous whistleblower alleged that Congressman Thomas Massie once installed a roll of toilet paper…
European Union Apologizes To Car-Ramming Terrorist For Dents Left In His Rental Vehicle By Civilians
BRUSSELS — In a globally televised press conference Sunday morning, top officials from the European Union issued a formal, tearful apology to a local car-ramming terrorist suspect, expressing their deepest…
Tensions Rise On Ben Shapiro’s Forehead As Right Eyebrow Annexes Left Eyebrow Territory
BOCA RATON, FLORIDA — Insisting that the historic expansion was both necessary for its long-term security and deeply rooted in ancestral biology, conservative commentator Ben Shapiro’s right eyebrow launched a…
Keir Starmer Warns Nation That People Waving British Flags Are A Critical Threat To British Values
LONDON, UK — Prime Minister Keir Starmer issued an emergency national warning Saturday after thousands of attendees at the "Unite The Kingdom" march were seen carrying British flags in what…
Xi Jinping Gives Trump Personal Tour Of Chinese Factory Manufacturing Trump Merchandise
HANGZHOU, CHINA– In a move described as on the nose, President Xi Jinping spent the third day of the 2026 Beijing-Washington Summit giving Donald Trump a VIP tour of the…
King Charles Assures Migrants Digital ID Will Only Be Used Against White British Citizens
LONDON, UK — Seeking to soothe the anxieties of the the millions of undocumented migrants currently arriving on Britain’s shores, King Charles III issued a formal royal proclamation Wednesday, assuring…
Trump-China Summit Postponed After Xi’s Arm Breaks Following One Handshake
BEIJING, CHINA — The highly anticipated summit between U.S. President Donald Trump and Chinese President Xi Jinping was abruptly postponed on Wednesday after Trump's signature "pump-and-pull" greeting resulted in a…
Dr. Fauci Insists Hantavirus Vaccine Requires Conducting Highly Painful Experiments On Beagles
BETHESDA, MARYLAND — Saying he just couldn't sit on the sidelines while a perfectly good rodent-borne pathogen unfolded, Dr. Fauci emerged from retirement Monday to inform the public that a…
Arsonists Of America Endorse Karen Bass For L.A. Mayor
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Citing her inspiringly hands-off approach to combustion, the Arsonists of America (AoA) officially announced their endorsement of Karen Bass for re-election as Mayor of Los Angeles,…
