BEIJING, CHINA — In a subtle geopolitical maneuver intended to boost domestic morale, Chinese President Xi Jinping hosted UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer this week, showcasing for the Chinese public what a true dictator looks like and praising Starmer’s rapid descent into totalitarianism as “impressive even for us.”
Keir Starmer, reknown for his aggressive crackdowns on free speech, mass arrests of journalists, and forced hospitalizations of dissidents, was invited by Chinese Communist Party Chairman Xi to serve as a “Scared Straight” program for the Chinese populace.
“I didn’t think it was possible for a Western leader to out-communist the communists,” Xi remarked of Starmer during a joint press conference. “Starmer is the future of authoritarianism. I may even be able to retire early, he’s that bad.”
The two dictators spent their first day touring China’s re-education camps, where Starmer praised the efficiency of the gulags and noted that the UK was adopting the model while enhancing it with added woke indoctrination.
A visibly unsettled Xi was later overheard telling aides that Starmer’s approach felt “a bit much” after the prime minister criticized China’s surveillance state for being “too lenient.”
